Rolling in my Smart Car

Last weekend we had yet another long weekend with spectacular weather. Maki and I decided to rent a car and take a trip to the countryside. Since we hadn’t made any hotel reservations, we were initially uncertain as to whether to take the whole weekend or to make two day trips, possibly inviting friends along on one of them.

Well, our hands were forced as far as inviting friends out with us because when I arrived at the car-rental agency I was given the keys to a nice-and-cozy Smart for two:





No idea what’s up with the Spanish number plates, but my hat’s off to whoever drove that thing over from Spain.

First observation: the car has pretty much everything it needs to have, but in miniature. Little a/c console, little radio, little glove box, little dashboard. Ironically, the only exception is the oversized ashtray, with cigarette lighter included:



You know you’re in Europe when…

Even the gearbox is tiny, and not very intuitive. Unusually for Europe, it has automatic transmission. I think they just couldn’t manage to fit a manual gearbox. The gearbox has only three settings: forward, neutral and reverse. Forward can be set to fully automatic or to “manual” automatic, which requires shifting gears by pushing the lever forward:



Unfortunately, the “manual” setting is default. To go into full automatic mode, you have to press a small button on the lever. I occasionally forgot and found myself driving around in first gear for prolonged periods. When on the fully automatic setting, I found that gear changes were very jerky.

Asides from that, the car drives fairly well. We got on the motorway and were driving at pretty good speeds, even passing some larger cars. It “feels” like a larger car when driving on the highway: unless the wind is blowing hard, in which case you have to struggle a little to keep it on course.

When we got back to Paris on Monday, we decided to drive out to the DIY store to buy some large pots and plants for our balcony. Amazingly we managed to fit our two selves plus a bunch of stuff in the little Smart. Too bad we didn’t take the camera with us, that would have been a funny picture.

By far and away the best thing about the Smart is that we didn’t have to search long for street parking in our neighborhood when we got back home (as we normally have to do when we drive) because you can easily fit into the tiniest of spaces left between parked cars. You can actually fit two smart cars into the space you would need for one “normal” car.

Well, that's my inner gearhead vented for a while now.

Ne pas fumer

January 1, 2008 marked a major historical milestone in France. On that day, the new smoking law came into effect. France has effectively followed the rest of the civilized and not-so-civilized world on the puritanical bandwagon of banning smoking in all public places. Who knew the French had it in them? Between that and all the latest giggling adolescent titillation over their president's love life, I'm beginning to wonder if the French aren't stuck on the wrong side of the Atlantic. Now if they could only get good customer service...

But I digress. Knowing in advance that this new law would come into effect at the beginning of the year, I was seriously worried that the entire country would be nicotine-jonesing and thus in a very grumpy mood indeed. I seriously worried about my personal safety and briefly considered taking a trip somewhere just to be away from it all. I know from personal experience that nicotine withdrawal can make one awfully testy (and since I decided to join the French in kicking the habit this year, Maki can corroborate). Surprisingly, though, people have remained remarkably nonchalant about the whole thing. I have thus far only witnessed one incident of aggression between a law-abiding bar owner and a nicotine-starved patron. (no, it wasn't me, I swear)

What has been funny, though, has been observing gaggles of smokers crowding outside bar and restaurant doors having their quickie smokes. I've also noticed that the "sidewalk cafe" phenomenon has suddenly exploded (despite the cold weather) to ridiculous extremes. I mean,there are certain establishments that have nice and wide streetfronts and are thus meant to (in nice weather) have tables outside. But now, just about any little hole in the wall has pitched up a couple of plastic tables and chairs on whatever little bit of narrow pavement they can claim so their customers can sit outside and freeze to death.




See what I mean?

A few weeks ago, when it was freezing outside, it was kind of funny to watch people sitting in these chairs, drinking their coffees and smoking their Gauloises.

Now that the weather has turned warmer, Paris suddenly feels springlike with masses of people sitting outside in the most unlikely places.

Maki seems to think that the new smoking law is unloved and unpopular and thus will not last long. I suppose she imagines there will be some sort of mass civil disobedience. But from what I've seen, people have pretty much adapted to the new reality. The only real long-term implications will be more butts (cigarette and human) on the ever-narrower sidewalks and more cases of pneumonia in winter.

"Toll Free" French style

In the States, I, like so many others came to complain about calling customer service numbers where you're made to spend ungodly amounts of time listening to recorded voices telling you to punch on keys, only to then be put on eternal hold and eventually transfered to some call center in Hyderabad where a thickly accented "Bob from Atlanta" will ask you to repeat all the information you just spent the last half hour punching in to the automated system.

But hey, at least they don't make you pay for it.

Here in France, the concept of "toll free" isn't very widespread. Most customer service numbers start with 08. 0800 numbers are free to call (but good luck finding a company that actually has one). Other 08 numbers are special rate.

A few weeks ago, our phone service was cut off. I wanted to call the company to check on the status of the line, but I can't call "special rate" numbers from my cell phone. I tried calling from a public phone on the street, but that wouldn't work, either.

Every time I call IKEA to check whether a sofa we want is in stock yet, I have to call a special rate number that starts with 08.

Virtually every customer service number in France is a special rate number starting with 08. Some of these numbers are "local rate", meaning that theoretically you will be charged the cost of a local call no matter what part of the country you're calling from. Our phone plan actually includes unlimited free calls to all land lines in France, but of course, that doesn't include 08 numbers, so we would still have to pay to call "local rate" numbers.

I can kind of understand customer service helplines making you pay for the call (as long as I get to speak to a human being promptly, I don't really mind). But the French carry this idea to lenghts which seem, well, a little absurd.

Even numbers you call to BUY stuff are special rate. Who is going to want to call one of those?

Some of the more extreme examples are pictured here:



That's right, if you want to order a pizza from Pizza Hut, you don't just call a local number, you call a special rate number that charges 0.15 Euro per minute (more expensive than most international calls! I might as well call and order my pizza fresh from Napoli!)

Even more surreal is the following: a public service ad posted on a cigarette warning label.



"Get help to quit smoking: call 0825 809 810" That's right, 0.15 Euro per minute. Hmmm, maybe I'll just keep smoking! Or I could call my mother in Miami and get her to make me stop smoking: it will cost significantly less than calling the number advertised on the cigarette package.

Oh, and phone bills in France are sent out every two months...so if you're the sort of person who likes to call tech support, just imagine what a nice little surprise might show up in your mailbox after two months.